Hi, I’m Fat

This is my contribution to the growing number of weight loss, healthy eating, healthy lifestyle blogs. Like many others this is my personal journey to find success in getting healthy, loosing weight and getting fit. Hardly a unique ambition but as I’ve discovered over the years one that is often more successful if it is a shared journey.

How Did You Get So Fat?

My story is one that all too many North American’s are familiar with. I was a skinny kidd then something happened in my life, in my case it was a bike accident, then months of surgeries and rehab. When my bones finished mending I discovered I had packed a magnificent 50 lbs onto my 5’10” frame, reaching a weight of 185 lbs.

I want to be clear hear that I don’t think the bike accident caused my weight gain. I caused that by not paying attention to the changes my body was going through and my bodies new needs as it recovered from the damage and was no longer out playing sports everyday. If at any point I had stopped and thought about why I had to buy new pants, shirts, underware and what I needed to do not only to mend my bones but to keep my body fully well I may have been able to reverse this early on.

The next few years are nothing short of what is typical in this increasingly obese culture. I discovered the diet yo-yo. I would try various attempts at dieting with some success, I would loose 20 lbs, then gain 25 lbs. This went on until I reached 205 lbs and a size 16 one year ago.

When the scale crossed the 200 mark I thought that would be my lowest emotional point, not that I’m prone to depression but I could feel it setting in. I was becoming very whiny, I was getting great at excuses for why I couldn’t loose the weight, find time to exercise or walk to the store myself.

The: “I MUST do SOMETHING!” Moment

At my heaviest I met a girl who loved to eat, loved to drink and eat some more. She was a few sizes larger than me. It wasn’t her weight that made us fast friends, she was an outgoing bubbly personality (on the outside). She would give me her clothes she’d grown out of, it was almost like having a sister (something I’ve never had) and I won’t lie, it was nice being the “thin” one again. We went shopping, did hair, went to clubs…

Then one evening we were planted on the couch with way too much food, my hip was hurting, and we were discussing the upcoming summer plans. We’d recently been shopping and I had had to buy size 20 for the first time in my life. She invited me to a pagan-festival and casually noted that it was “the first place [she’d] really felt appreciated as a larger woman”.

That phrase struck me dead in my tracks. I was a “larger woman”.

Those words invited a deluge of images:

BBW ads,

The people in the supersized movie,

men who couldn’t get out of bed because they are too fat,

and basically the images to the left hand side of my blog header.

I saw myself as a huge slob out of control of my own life, drowning in sugar and fat who would eventually be too large to clean myself and I would slowly become the sea-hag from the little mermaid.

A Little Less Dramatic

To be fair I wasn’t as large as any of these people I had reached a size 20, below is a size 20 model, for reference, and it’s fair to what I looked like at that size although her hair and make up are much better than mine. Frankly, I didn’t let anyone near me with a camera at that size.

There is a part of me that thinks I wasn’t “that” fat as compared with the images above, that I shouldn’t be “that” hard on myself… but most of me couldn’t believe that I’d let myself go to the point I was at and I could see nothing in front of me besides a future of slowly being imprisoned by my body if I did not do something.

I have never really experienced any negatives because of my weight, no one has mooed at me, no one has called me fat to my face, no one has suggested to me that I need to loose weight. I have not experienced any heart, lung, digestive or other medical ailments. However, I consider myself very lucky to be able to say all these things.

I don’t know, or particularly care why being told I could be appreciated as a larger woman created such a visceral reaction in me, but it did and 23 weeks ago I started on the first weight loss and get healthy plan that I am sure will actually work.


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