Archive for October, 2012

Weight Loss vs. Baby Pressure

October 25, 2012

No. I’m not pregnant.

Yes. My partner and I are trying to get pregnant.

My partner and I started to try to get pregnant nearly a year ago and discovered some problems along the way. Without making this blog about that, one of the issues is weight. It’s not the defining issue. I’m border line PCOS which means that I have 12 follicles on each ovary. Less than 12 follicles is considered PCOS and one of the major contributing factors to PCOS is weight.

The main fertility challenge I have can supposedly be handled by fertility medications. That is what we are currently doing. PCOS can also be helped by other fertility medications, so I’m on two rounds of fertility medications just in case. My doctor did let me know that, with regards to PCOS, ┬áin studies of women who were given the fertility medications and those who only followed a low-carb diet that those on the low-carb diet were equally as successful at conceiving as those who took the PCOS medication.

I meant to ask him if it was specifically the low-carb diet that increased their chance of conceiving or if it was the associated weight loss. My suspicion is that it was the associated weight loss in which case I don’t need to be too concerned about carving fruit out of my diet in addition to already eating a paleo diet which means I am currently not eating any grains, refined sugars or white starches.

What all this means for me is that I’m not really sure what my overall goal is.

Is it to get pregnant as fast as possible? Or, is it to lose as much weight as possible?

Time is a consideration. I’m approaching 33 (in July) which means ideally I will conceive in the next year to avoid being considered a high risk pregnancy at 35.

However, I’m still in the obese weight category according to my BMI, so should I be focusing on my weight loss and trying to lose as much weight as possible before getting pregnant so that I increase my chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy?

The reality is that I can’t make the choice. I just have to take it one day at a time. Most days I focus on weight loss. I know that losing the weight increases my chances of getting pregnant. The more weight I lose before getting pregnant will help me stay healthy through my pregnancy.

At the same time we are trying to get pregnant, so I can’t help feeling a little sad each month when it doesn’t in fact happen. Strangely though, at this time I’m also a bit relieved since it allows me more time to lose more weight.

Right now I’d like to lose at least the 40 lb goal for two reasons. First it will put me below the obesity BMI and second, if I lose the 40 lbs then that is also what I am likely to gain during a pregnancy. In theory I already know my body can carry that extra 40 lbs and I will already know that I can lose it again.

Part of me would like to double that goal so that when I get pregnant I would be in the “normal” weight BMI and the pregnancy would take me to just below the obese BMI and I wouldn’t have to worry about going into that weight category while pregnant.

This is all really just an academic debate that I cannot and should not control. The only way to guarantee weight loss before getting pregnant would be to stop trying to get pregnant and age can have the same negative effects on pregnancy chances as weight can so it’s best to just keep trying to both lose weight and get pregnant and handle the situation as it hopefully arises.

The real frustration for me is knowing that by getting pregnant I am guaranteeing that I will have to walk this weight-loss journey again. I have some hope, because now I know I can do it.

One decision that is solidifying in my mind is to keep eating paleo through my pregnancy, if it happens (knock on wood). I have not found any evidence that a pregnant woman needs grains or dairy. I do feel terrible when I eat them. The one barrier would be if I do suddenly get my appetite back and have cravings.

Anyways this is all just baby-on-the-brain. I’ve got another month ahead of me of trying to get pregnant. That is at least the fun part of all of this.

Yuck, Food.

October 18, 2012

Not sure what is up with my digestion lately. I’m having a lot of problems eating food right now. It started a few days ago when I would just lose my appetite in the middle of a meal, and now the thought of food is really just disgusting to me. Eating for the last couple of days has triggered a gag reflex. This is bad.

I’m hoping it’s simply the heat. I’m writing this entry on a 34C day in June. So heat could be a reason, although both my home and my office are air conditioned. Maybe its the air conditioning?

I couldn’t eat my dinner last night, but I did manage to get myself to eat a very large ripe mango, as well as lots of water.

I am hoping this is not is a slide back into anorexic ways. Can I even be anorexic at 200+ lbs? I suppose the answer is yes. Still, I am not experiencing the body dysmorphia that usually accompanies anorexia. My body is looking stronger, slimmer and yes there are still curves and roll, but I am not disgusted by them.

What’s up body?

Mini-Goal: 30 lbs!

October 11, 2012

I’m feeling a bit stunned that 30 lbs is a mini-goal. Looking back on my weight tracking the last 10 lbs have not taken me any longer to lose than the previous 10 lbs, but it has felt longer. This is a warning sign that I am becoming a bit too pre-occupied with the number on the scale and becoming impatient for it to go down.

I am of course extremely happy to hit a 30 lb loss. It’s not a small achievement. At the same time I feel conflicted that I got to a point where I could hit a 30 lb loss and still not be under 200 lbs. I’m trying not to judge myself harshly, and I’m also trying to realize that I am doing something to address this right now and all I need to do is to keep doing what I am doing. It does give me some confidence to know that I can do this and if I can lose 30 lbs I can definitely lose 10 more lbs after that. So 40 lb goal, here I come!

Fullness

October 4, 2012

My appetite is slowly starting to come back. For a long time this whole switch to paleo and restricted eating has been very easy because it’s been a struggle to simply get me to eat food in the first place.

I’m feeling actual hunger pangs now, and have been for a few weeks, but they are not what I remember from before my grief-imposed fast.

I am still unsure if this reduction in hunger is because of that fast, or because of eating a paleo diet now. If the hunger returns with a vengeance then I suppose I will have my answer. But, if it does not I will never really know if it was the grief that reduced my hunger or the paleo. Either way, I’m relieved that I’m not hungry all the time.

What has surprised me though is my body’s response to those times when I am hungry. Dinner is the main one. In the average workday I have a longer period between lunch and dinner than I do between breakfast and lunch. That and I bring my lunch to work so I can eat it whenever I get hungry, but I never really get my act together to pack a snack, so when I arrive home I’m quite hungry.

This has actually proved useful. I tend to take care of dinner first thing now, leave the chores for afterwards. Which means I’m eating dinner earlier and as I understand it this is healthier anyways.

I generally eat whatever I have pre-prepared and already portioned out. During the week it’s simple. I grab a tupperware container out of the fridge, stick it in the micro and voila: dinner. I cook three or four large meals during the weekends and those usually last me for dinners and lunches all week.

In case dinner isn’t enough – which I always think will be the case when I’m looking at it – I give myself permission to grab more, or a snack if I want one later. Strangely, that almost never happens.

Snacking from dinner to bed has always been a bad habit of mine. I’d get home eat a tin of vine leaves stuffed with rice to hold me over until dinner was ready, cook a fairly large dinner each night and then snack on chocolate, ice cream, chips, popcorn or whatever was handy. Sometimes I was that hungry and just couldn’t fill myself, sometimes it was mindless snacking and sometimes I would end up stuffed to the point it hurt.

What I’m consuming now is a tiny fraction of what I would normally eat in an evening. Yet, I am finding myself satisfied, full but not uncomfortable after dinner and usually if I want a snack a tea with honey is about all I want.

I’m still waiting for my body to rebel, to demand more. I suppose time will tell.