Oh FFS! Not again!

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In 2005 I reached my heaviest body weight ever at 260+ lbs. I say plus because I simply couldn’t face the scale at that point.

In 1996 I was hospitalized for my lowest body weight ever at 88.1 lbs. I know that weight exactly since I was obsessively weighing myself ever hour or so.

In 1990 I was a relatively normal weight kid, who ate healthy food, prepared at home by a stay-at-home mum, who was into whole grains, whole foods, organic foods, no processed foods etc. I was active and not too concerned about body image.

Today I am heading back towards my heaviest weight ever having climbed back to 237.8 lbs.

What happened between 1990 and 2012?

How have I spent the last 22 years developing a horrible relationship to food and my body swinging wildly from one end of the eating disorder spectrum to the other?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I don’t want to be writing this blog entry again in 2015, 2017, 2020 and 2024 and so on.

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2 Responses to “Oh FFS! Not again!”

  1. Jacquilynne Schlesier Says:

    Though my low-ends are nowhere near your lows and my high-ends are much higher than your highs, I’ve been through some pretty major weight-swings, too, so I know that ‘WTF?’ feeling well. I’m currently going through this program: http://www.eatwithoutdrama.com/ and it seems to be helping. Not so much with the weight, but with the not making myself crazy.

    • beaglesmuggler Says:

      Yes, I looked at her blog and subscribed to it when you mentioned it earlier in the year. Since the new year I have been mostly focusing on eating three meals a day, letting myself eat what I want without self-criticizing and getting back to the gym. I thought about her program. I think the hurdle that I have with her is that although I enjoy her blog, she doesn’t write frequently in it. And, since the program is nearly $1,000 for group online sessions I really want to see more of what she has to offer before committing myself to yet another program that may not work for me. I’m really interested in hearing what you think of her and the program.

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