Just one more week…

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I “just” need to make it though this week on cal and exercising and I’ve finished the first phase of my plan. I don’t know exactly why I am not more confident about being able to do this.

Part of it is that I have never been able to hang onto a weight loss change, to really make changes to my eating and exercising across this many weeks before.

Part of it is fear of actually changing. As much as I do want to change I have learned how to identify as a plus sized woman, and if I succeed in this I will definitely not be a plus sized woman any more.

As I think about these reasons though they pale in my reasons to want to succeed.

I am not “very” plus sized, I am currently a size 16 and I don’t want to be any larger than that anymore. I want to, I need to be fit again. I love sports, I love outdoors, I love outdoors sports. As plus sized I can have a really good time with the girls at a club, in a bar, at a restaurant, however I feel like I don’t belong on the soccer field, on the tennis court, in a kayak or on a beach and I want to feel like I belong on those places again.

To succeed this week I need to let what I want overcome what I fear and make very very sensible choices. The sensible choices are also going to be tougher than usual this week. I will be eating out five of seven days which will make it extra challenging.

Today so far so good, just a light salad for breakfast, need to watch myself at bookclub tonight, we go to a dessert bar, I need to see if I can get a fresh fruit bowl, instead of the fresh fruit crepe.

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